All of these days

Countdown-ing the days im in Kluang, the place i've been living for 17 years and almost 18. Sad to say that, my 18th birthday will soon be alone in a far place from Kluang. I've escaped from PLKN but couldn't escape from leaving home so soon. Maybe they'll be much more happy when im not around? Im one step closer to my dream, what a mixed feelings im having now. Shouldn't choose this time to blog i think.



My eyes will become watery knowing that my 18th birthday will be all alone without my family around me. No one knows how much hoped for this 18th birthday to be more special unlike those years. Yeah, no one knows. They'll said it's just a birthday, study is more important. Everything seems more important than I am. Just like im nobody. Nobody will give up something because of me. Not even a day just for me. Basically this is exactly how selfish people are. Said words which are comforting, but when you're leaving, no one would just hand you a little warm. Why is the world became something so grey to me, like everything had lost its colour. I just wish to sleep as long as I could. Im afraid of all the changes, sadness, tears. Afraid loneliness. All i need is just somebody to love me as I am, to stay by my side wherever i need. Relationship is really not an easy subject to learn, to figure. It will takes someone a lifetime just to understand a stage of it. When can I finish learning it?




I had been to my cousin's funeral lately. He's only 25 years old. I heard how his mother cry, like tearing a part of her away. Her cry have the power to make everyone around her to shed tears with her. Her cries was like telling me she wishes so much to die before her son for he is only 25 years old! He's indeed an obedient son. While she was crying I saw a sudden flashback of her giving birth, taking care of his son. All those memories belongs to a mother became just memories and photographs and the son is gone. Forever.





I admit I've grown up a lot in this holiday. Things i've no time to figure out finally had an answer. But there are still a lot of things i still need to learn and move on. Life in Kampar will be a starting of new life with new friends. 7 hours from Kluang, i guess this will leave a full stop of all my friendships in Kluang. I guess this will be the farewell. Im envy to those who are heading to KL and JB too. Kampar is way too far for me.

Low tides.

Damn, damn, damn, what i do to have you here, here, here

I wish you were here.

So much for my happy ending.

Fairytales.

I actually typed a long page to express how am i feeling now. Its a damn. God knows how much tears i cried for him. I had the happiness he gave me and in return, i felt as pain as how i felt now. I guess only time can help us to recover. Sorry im not as soft hearted as i was. I just want to lock myself in a room, cry as loud as i could. Silent tears. I should be feeling happy for those who are in happiness. But when i opened my facebook, im jealous i admit. I hope to return to where i belong. To a place where all my loves are there for me. Smiling happily, in my dreams.

Nites everyone, i couldnt sleep tonight. I still believe how much he loves me, therefore how much he loves my family. There is a chinese proverb 爱屋及乌. That was what i dreamed. Does it sound ridiculous?

I love you, I always do.