#^^# teeheee #^^#

Nowadays im really really crazing bout my 贤重..and de most irritating thingies are my siblings keep saying tat he's a MONKEY!!! -pissed- He SOOOOOO handsome!! right right RIGHT?? Hehe..And I found out Korea drama is not that bad tho..
etc:个人趣向(altho this is ABIT 婆妈)

韩版恶作剧之吻(this one nice!!my darling!!! XD)

原来是美男啊(this one also nice..SUPER DUPER FUNNY de lo!! )

Teeheee...
i'll show u guys some HANDSOME PIC of my darling XD


HANDSOME RITE?CUTE RIGHT?
haha..dun fall in love in him yea..i'll jealous :P (jk ok? :] )

btw,tats something i wan to tell him here before its too late..i know he wont come and see this post but..there's still something i want to tell him
: Dun go for plastic surgery again ok? You're already perfect in my heart. Even if u're not that perfect,i'll still love you :) <3

Welcome back frm ESP camp yingying! :D

Actually..im just a silly girl who always struggles in lots kinda thingies..bt i will just keep quiet until it burst out like a volcano a day. Sound silly yea? Maybe that's one of my character which i din even realise...
Obviously,i felt lonely in this camp..until that day when my Lord tells me that,he's still with me.
"Yingying,im always with you.You're not lonely"
I thought that everything wasn't goes well..The feeling of loneliness,being rejected,bored...words cant explain those kinda feelings,its desperate to think back.
Well,stop wif those sad things kay? :) I have fun too.I spent time wif my friends and our relationship went well actually. Praise God for that :)

Okay,there's sumthing happened in my house too!Our God is really really REALLY AWESOME!! And i cant help to say that he's cute too :P My uncle brought back SO MANY BOOKS for me!! He says that it was his church's friend gave him.And...the most amazing things are...Its new and ngam my taste too!! Guys,you can borrow from me if you want.
Ps:I dun need to buy any novels in a year.WHOOTSS!! :D

-I won't feel regret again that i went to ESP camp :) -

With God,everything is possible :)

AWW...i miss those time i fell in love =P caz it can be sweet,pain,n lots of feelings that you can never guess.Im lost in a way of rational..caz i know its impossible for his smile to be mine :'(( Kinda weirdo to fall in love..caz we'll never noe wad's ggn to happen next.

yea yea..im teaching tuition now. I thought it supposed to be fun but..seems not? Woke up at 9am caz gt tuition at 9.30..cant imagine how weak they are..maybe im much more betta? =P JOKING KAY? :D bt obviously larhh im betta than them :P Luckily they are still primary school :)
Im finding ways to teach them,praying and hoping that they can improve...just a lil?

-With God,everything is possible :)

HARRY POTTER IS TOTALLY AWESOMEEEE!!

FOLLOW ME!! Like i said,WHOAA!! thats amazingly prefect world!!! XD
I LOVE Diagon ALLEY! magical,UNBELIEVABLE!!
Seriously,i cant wait to watch that,NOT EVEN A DAY!! Feel like wanna be one of the seven harry potters,wanna fly on de broom (2020)..And i really dun understand why they want to separate part 1 and 2 like this =( I dun wan to wait till July..=( Maybe reread de book is the best way to spare my thirst towards that movie...T^T How if i really know the spells?How if i can really fly on a broom?How if i can pass thru de wall? (: It only happen in dreamssssss =(
Quite pissed off with emma watson's new hairstyle..=( WHY SHE WANT TO CUT HER HAIR??!!

Harry Potter and The Deadly Hallows-I miss you lotss

well,where should i be?

Ok..not that i want to say but..thats too ridiculous ok?Because of that stupid satu pelajar satu sukan,students need to suffer in between academic and ko-ko.That's freaking sucks! really hate to admit that we really need to come to school early and go back late.Happy now?My time was like disappeared in the school,which is the place where i started to hate it...
Actually,i'd really loved school,but y..you became like this,which is sooooo irritating?The package i want,DUN HAVE.The time i want,DUN HAVE. zzzzzz....
well,my dad just asked me
=ying,r u ggn to school tmr?
:nope
=holiday ard meh?
:nola..but i holidays ard
=why u dun want to go 2 school?i tot you love school??
:ok..thats ard past tense,i h*** school
=what happened to you..
:you should ask wat happen to the school but not me

thats the convo(just happened). Cant answer him..sorry teachers..not your fault.maybe i should really find out whats the reason.and can i ask a question here?
If you are me,would you choose to leave your present school or transfer to other school which have the package you wanna study for your future?
I REALLY DUN FEEL LIKE WASTING TIME STUDYING SOME SUBJECTS WHICH I'VE NO INTEREST N USELESS FOR MY FUTURE.
Ps:the only reason i want to stay in this school is because of my BELOVE FRIENDS. Deariess,I really love you guys.Of course i wont feel like leaving you guys..but the problem is..am I that important to you all?Probably nope..

it's just a boring day again =P

dumby i am..urghh..seemed weird to think something past but somehow you'll felt sum kinda..funny? haha..think bac when i was small..what we did was like..unimaginable we really did this?haha..cant get wad i said? ok..forget bout it =P my days after PMR is like..urghh again -.- well,these are some things i did ramdomly..
☆reading my fallen
☆watchin tv
☆fb-ing
☆on-9 comics
☆teaching my bro n sis(n i nearly die =.= )

and these are my days..maybe is better than at school...actually i really prefer this (= compared to the days at school's hall,ceramah n netball stuffs..i really'd prefer these =.= people just dun understand y but it seems like its my style? =D haha..forget bout it..YOU WONT UNDERSTAND.
n now days i really cant get what my mind says..days are too relax and made me feel this way? oh gosh..being rebelious and unreasonable..is that the way i communicate? hmm..-,-

What we want to speak,what we spoke.

God gave us only a mouth.Maybe its because of our mouth who will speak something bad? I believe that a word may put people to death or say something good for encouragement.SO if we have 2 mouths,i think most of the people will put to death.Its either being put to death or got to put to death.
Yea,i spoke something to hurt someone.I duno if i did that often.And i know that sorry cant be used everytime.Its just a word.I've hurt someone.The type of bad feeling rush into my heart again.If i can predict that,i wont even say a word to him today.Maybe i've stepped on the scar that he dun wan to remind himself of that?I duno wad to say again.Im speechless-ing. Maybe i should really force myself into the pool and think back of what i've spoke.I know sorry is useless by now,but its my responsibility to say so.If you really dun wan to listen any bout it,ok,i'll keep my mouth shut.I've always maintain myself as a neutral person everywhere to avoid from conflicts.But it seemed like..i cant graduate yet.Or i should thank him for reminding me this? =)

Scare to be lonely,but you've thrown me there

I'd always thought for the days after my PMR.It will be great,fun,freedom which people always jealous bout it.I studied so hard,its just to wait for the days after my PMR.I thought that..IT WILL BE GREAT...great? yea..some people maybe enjoying their holiday with lots of fun.But somehow i felt like,i was grounded at my home with this stupid computer and that square box-television.Ohya,of coz i wont forget you-The Forbidden Game- which i haven finish reading,hmm.. Thats it.Thats it. Baby sitting at home,sleeping,walking around and do nothing.I'm gonna be mad before next year starts! I said that i want to find a part time and do so that i can have more pocket money as my DEAR parents won't give me after my school days.But the ans is:definitely no,its dangerous to work outside. OK. They've no wrong for protecting their children.But the worse sentence i heard today is..-->You better stay at home.
Oh Lord..bring me to some other place before i get crazy.Seriously.
I still remember when i was still young.My dad will bring me to the swimming pool at jalan mersing there almost every week.But i can tell you here,he never bring me there before in this whole year.I duno exactly what's his rubbish reason for the NO but i know that IT WONT BE NICE.Sorry for all the nonsence i wrote.Im just here to complain.If you dun really accept wad i said here,sorry for that and maybe..i dun feel like hearing any advices now.

WhOOtS! H.O.L.i.D.@.y (:

My newest pic (:

I thought it will be REALLY FUN after my PMR..but it seemed like not that fun..I was locked in this hometown n here,i mean.It was really great to hear my frens said that they're ggn here,there..i feel like..-wow- if only i can go to somewhere i like.
These days i keep thinking bout what's my future,what i want to be,what class i want to take..My daddy gave me an advice,ask me to take science stream..maybe he wants me to be a pharmacist,chemist or dietitian something like that so that i wont be so stress.Actually i suggested to aim for management that line,but he says it will be stressful for me.He wants me to be happy with my future occupation.Hmm,anyway,many years to go some more..I have 2 more years to think.Be patient now Yingying..But its 2 different ways ._. goshi goshi ._.
Here's the place i want to go ^^(maybe..future?)

Pulau redang


Maldive island


Bora-bora(tahiti island) My dreamland.I must
come here for my honeymoon!

Nice rite? (: Hope you'll like it! =D

THANK YOU!! Really. Seriously. =D

hmm,,its realli been days my family had a peace n quiet time..n all it's because of i lost my voice =.= Yea..i gt sick..n sore throat..so i cant sing by now ;( I miss the time i can sing freely whenever i love..-sobs- My throat is really painin now..ewww :(
I got sick in my 2nd day of pmr..really thanks to my daddy for bringin me to see doctor n thank God for protectin me all the time..eventho im sick..I still can take the exam without study(seriously..i flipped some pages but i really cant get it into my mind,especially my science and sejarah).Caz yesterday,i got fever and headache.So i really cant study.And before pmr i din even touch my science book! Really thank God for everything..I can really feel his love to me. =D THANK GOD FOR EVERYTHING!! Lord,I LOVE YOU! =) Im so blessed =D

hmm,,my pmr? =D

Haha,,here's the time that i'm going to face my PMR!! whooots =D
Feel strange tat i din feel any stress..omigosh! The first paper is BM la!! -trembling- hehe,,btw,after PMR i can really take a good rest before start my engine for the coming SPM then.After PMR still got SPM ma..wakaka =P Heard that in my cg. XD
Altho this holiday may not be a "luxurious" holiday like some of my friends..which goin to spend around RM1000+ for their holiday(The most weirdo things is..THEIR PARENTS AGREED) OMIGOSH again.. =.= But for me,i just need a field of seaside,with my parents and siblings around,n i'll lie down to face my lovest sky.(I longed for this years ago T^T) This will be my most beautiful night =D

Whenever I go,I really hope that my parents are around with me.Maybe some of the teenagers will thought that its an embrassment to be with their parents (daisai they mean),but for me..its one of my wish. =) Hope this year I can really go for a vacation with my dearest-Dad,mum,bro,sis,and of course..my dearest uncle. =D

My life =)

Sometimes,i can really feel something bad towards myself.Why im the unlucky one?Why i cant get the things that i longed for so long?I always felt that.And that's actually things that i WANT but not i NEED.While my mum,she's upset because she cant fulfill things that I want.

Suddenly..i saw a post.Saying that x felt really upset because lack of LOVE from family.x got everything x wants,but the only thing that x can't get and thirst for is the LOVE from family.And im just the opposite of that statue.Haha..For the first time I felt that..Im truely a happiness girl.I was brought up in a happiness family and rich with their love.Althought sometimes i'll feel unfair,but what they taught me is LEARN TO APPRICIATE in everything Im having now.Without them,I really cant imagine what I'll be like.Althought they are not a perfect parents,but they are being perfect in my life. =)

T.H.A.N.K YOU =)

Hmm,,Its been loong time i din update my blog.Sorry guys. Yea,I've got something to share here =)

These days,i read a book titled -A Liter of Tears-. Its really a touching book.And I got some inspiration while reading.Something like living is really a wonderful thing,Thank God that my heart stil beats,How beautiful is our world and so on..
THANK YOU.Its just a simple and kind word for everyone.But there are some unfortunate people can't even say it,but using their true heart to say it.I was touched by their "Thank You".

Actually,for me,reading is not an entertainment or hobbies,but a way to gain some wisdom and knowledge. I've learnt to appriciate. Once again,Thank God that You've provided me what I NEED but not what I WANT =)

Hari K.O.K.O

Its hari koko today.Everything goes FINE!And so as the weather!! :)
Thank God for answering my prayer.I really had a lot of fun today.Thanks to all my luvvie friends that support me and our club!Really appreciate it.Yea,its tired tho.But everyone had a lot of fun.Our friendships are getting stronger,n even more co-operate.Praise Lord for everything :)

Actually i was kinda too lazy n tired to go for yf today.But..maybe Lord's strength pull me there? ^^ Time passes so fast.Hari koko that we're waiting for had became a past tense.And now im trying to focus on my studies?Im trying to.

Sometimes i just thought of a question.Why do I need to put so much effort in studies?Its not even a part of my life that i want to do! Maybe its just an effort to achive my wish to help those in needs.But what can i do to help them?I still cant get the answer.Maybe...study its just a way to find the answer..If its for those commity,those struggles mean nothing :)

Where's my smile?

There's so many things happened around me and forced me to face those realities.People wont understand,they wont even care,and..I dun feel like telling.Even if i tell,they also wont understand.Their just like a children under a shield,no worries.I wonder how good if my life is just simple as that.Someone asked me:What's your dream?
Seriously i say,not i DUN WANT to have a dream,but i DUN DARE to have a dream.Sorry that my answer is just like this.Maybe im to afraid to hurt by the realities of the truth.Sorry if my joy are fake.Sorry if i dun feel like answering.

W.A.I.T ❤

Im waiting here..
Waiting★ For the days which can have fun
Waiting★ For the studies to over
Waiting★ For days without struggles
Waiting★ For a question, an answer or an action
Waiting★ To bury in storybooks and dvds
Waiting★ To recieve gifts from my Lord
Waiting★ For a chance
Waiting★ That those grey memories can be locked and thrown
Waiting★Waiting★Waiting.

Yeaa...But,i wish that time could just stop just for a moment,that i really don't want to face adults problem.Im facing some of it now,but at least im not as stress as adults.I can't take it for now,how can i face in future?I cant answer this question.

People says,that adult world are full of confussion,and problems.I treated my teenage world as a study time,or can be say as time to take responsiblity to study.

Somehow i felt that time flew so fast,but it seems like its ME who wasted it for doing nothing.Without realising,its been 7 months pasted in my 15th years.And..face it,im going to have my PMR soon(3 months).Dun feel like thinking bout it but,its a fact that i really need to face.But wat im thinking is time after PMR!How to have fun without taking exams? -depressed again-

After my bitter time(form2),i'd always tot that y time goin so slow..y i need to take so much time to forgive and put down.Its actually a question tat made me struggle for 1 year.After i've forgave and put down,i tot it day before yesterday,y i need to waste so much time to struggle in this type of silly things?
I need to congrats myself now.While i was thinking of someone that brought me out from these struggles("someone" din noe that he's the one who brought me out^^),the one that hurted me passed beside me.But amazingly,i din realise until my friend mocked me.Im smiling inside. :) Ying Ying,you've passed this examination.Congratulations :D

A problematic girl

I've never met things that i can't speak out,even my families,or my best friend.I was just asking "someone" to make me laugh.Indeed,im smilling in my heart to know that he's serious. :) Thanks dear. ^^
I can't put down my pride to face these problems.My situation's like im a sandwich,between two bread.Bread A told me x,bread B told me xy,both x+xy are like forming a linear equation for me,no numbers,i cant solve.
Im just a 15 years old secondary girl.Im not an adult.Maybe...im still not mature enough to help you in solving your problems.Maybe...Im not as matured minded as you think.Sorry to dissapoint you,mum.Sorry that i can't give you any help,dad.

I really need your help,Lord.

FEAR....again?

真的不明白是什么原因事情会变成酱...终觉的自己被挥之则来,呼之责去似的.自己的感觉,判断能力,难道是错的?那...旁人的直觉也是错的咯?
还是...变心了...
真不希望自己在这个圈圈转来转去.他,就好像我最怕的闪电,闪了闪,恐惧,让我自然而然盖起耳朵.自然的,不想去想,不想去看.
好怕历史重演.到底是我说错了什么...还是发生了什么...本来没事的，怎么会这样了...

The last day of my june holiday

First,i Thank God that give me a most wonderful+meaningful holiday ever,which most of my holidays fill with your Words.Praise The LORD. :) Just came back from the second camp on Saturday.Its at Broga Hill,sempadan antara negeri Selangor dan N.Sembilan! Amazing right? My LORDS wonderful creation. :D Its quite amazing trip actually.I had an opportunity to try a different camp from the past camp i had.

Second,school is JUST TOMORROW! Should congrats me actually because i HAVEN FINISH MY HOMEWORKS!! =P Hahaha..LOLZ!! Yea,school starts soon.All the feelings of relationship Im not suppose to have should also bury in my heart.Maybe because of the stress of homeworks and studies might help?Haha..I succeed to throw away my first,this is also not a problem rite?Hope so...Hope im just fooling with my feelings this time.

Gambateh Ying Ying! xD
To those who treated me well,loves me,Aligato ne!
To those who I hurted accidently, gomenasai.

Baga ne!! @.@

Keep doing silly things nowadays.Am I still Yingying?
I waited.Waited.And still waiting.But i really got nothing.I miss.Still missing.But no one noes.Neither em.Yea,i guess he noes nothing.
Yea maybe after that day i became like THIS.I cant control it! Or maybe he's avoiding?What he said its just a joke.Veryyyyy funny joke :(

Somehow i feel like wanting this joke to be true.But i dun even noe whether it IS TRUE or its NOT.Woke up,checked my phone,non.Feel like listening to his voice.N-O-N,again :(
On facebook for quite a long time.I heard a "bob" sound.Open and c,its not the person i want.Left it and just logout.Hope it doesn't continue.

BLURRED@@

Im reli reli blurr nowadays
Juz came bac from Family Camp n it was super duper great! :)
Praise LORD that I,too have an opportunity to follow the trip.
Had lots of fun thr..Relationship with friends goes well..I also get to know more bout MY LORD.

But there is really something happened that makes me blurred and..urghh,,dunno how to say...I felt thr's a changes of feeling between me and my friend but..we dont have any actions.Obviously it makes me reali blurr.Maybe we're not mature enough to decide anything...I asked allowance from GOD,I dunno whether is im not faithful enough or wat,I cant feel the answer.I lost my way on deciding.I'd tried to ask some advice from my friends..But what I got is actually nothing.We've been a lot of sweet things in some time..I'll keep in my heart.I'll keep it nicely.Altho i dun reli know what will happen next,but if our hearts are join together,I'll know I'll be true this time :)

Had a challenging night yesterday.Studied till 5am 29.05.2010.Cool ya??!! Haha,,actually me myself aso cant believe that i have that strength to continue it.Thank You LORD.While I was studying,I felt sumkinda..freedom?If it was like past,I surely got scolded by someone nicely for sleeping at so late hour.

Its been sooo long,i din sleep so late.I thought i'll be waking up at around 12++ bt.....strange?I woke up at 10.45am.Juz slept for 5hour 45mins.N i felt refresh once i woke up! Miracles ya? N thanks for the cup of coffee yesterday night.I knew I need some junk foods.I'll buy ya ltr..:D
Stil in 'no mood' to study..Dunno why? Haih,, I know i need to catch up n b more hardworking by now.. :S

Suddenly thought bout my voice so i posted this.
I have a 'kid voice'(chipmunk voice==''')(ppl say so)..i feel like ppl getting annoyed with this kinda voice...
But as for my opinion,i dun mean to have it.Maybe some ppl will say that im actin but actually im not.Why dont they listen to other ppl's voice?I got a friend,her voice is sumthing like me.I felt like "her voice is so cute!" when i heard her voice. o(≧v≦)o~~ haha..quite envy bcz her voice is damn cute de lo!!!!(*^◎^*) not like mine...like speaker oni...==

Anyway...Everyone is special.God created everyone special.So,dun hate yourself or what you have.Appriciate it and Thank God for everything :)

TENSION WEEK!

Juz feel like postin my feelings right now... :(
Im reali reali tired...homeworks,studies,exams,pmr >< teacher said:"Exam nak sampai..balik rumah buat revesion ehh..."
In the other hand,"buat homeowrk muka surat whr to whr hantar isnin! Siapa tak hantar saya cubit nanti!" WTH?!!
Totally exhausted.Somehow i saw my friends around me really like PREFECT! They did their homeworks,tuition mon-fri,because of exams parents dun let them to watch movie.But what i did is exactly de opposite! Really dunno wats going on. =(

I said i've decided i dun wan to bother bout anything bout past ard!But when i saw sumthing,i predicted there is sumthing happening...SUMTHING BAD HAPPENING ACTUALLY.watever it is,i dun feel like knowin bout it :) Its kinda crazy lil thing again..altho i reli hate those..
Its really a looonnnggg week......But i guessed it right.Homeworks again.To all the teachers,can we say no to homeworks?!!

REJECTED

Somehow i felt that im rejected.

School.Its my 2nd place which i spend half of my day except home.I really love to school last time.I felt that,school is reali a wonderful place for me to play,chit-chat wif friends and all.But u know wat?Since last year.I felt that school is reali sucks.At school,precisely.Obviously.I have greatest friend ever who alwaz stands beside me.But there are also others who dun like me.Nowdays,people who dun like me had increased.BLA BLA BLA they started with my hair,my style,n alwaz de same! Im juz wondered y they need to be like this? Whats on my mind is--> hair grows on my hair so wat do u care? But,they're juz caring.IM SO FRUST AT THAT TIME BUT SOMEONE TOLD ME 'For wat u care bout them?'
Mostly,i felt im rejected bt the "Form 3 group" GROUP means they're same style,same fashion,same hairstyle,same,same,SAME! N im reali reali sorry to say that,I wont be a kutu papan who always the SAME. YA seriously i know that most of those people wont accept this,they even hate me like XXX,YYY,ZZZ or AAA(indices)

Day by day...Time by time...I thought that i've forgotten what's feeling...what's happiness...what's relationship...what's acceptance...alot of things in this world.Because i seriously feel sumkinda,rejected?YES

F.R.I.E.N.D

Today i got awoke by my mum.
She said:"Can u just dun b so naive??WAKE UP DEAR! This world is not as easy-going as u thought.Its not that u treat someone with true heart,u will get repay back.No ITS NOT! Maybe u really treat her as your friend but how she will think?U dunno...Dun determine someone's character with your first aspire.How u noe thr's a lie behind it??Think yourself daughter..."

So,i was thinking on my bed this morning.*actually i went to school but i went back home again cause u felt like vomit n head spinning in sudden.I FELT LIKE THE CAR WAS REVERSING!!!* AM I??!! AM I???!! ITS THAT THE REASON THAT I WAS FOOLED BY DEAD FISH???!!! I found that im getting more n more stupid.WHY?WHY?WHY?<--im asking myself.If I'd listen to my mum,talk less everything will be better,I think so the ending won't just end up wif a question mark-->?<--

Actually,guys u might not know something...That "my prob" din end like this way...There r still many ? in my head,my heart.I wanna noe,of course i do! But..u noe wat?While i was getting nearer to the answer,when i knew it,i really dun feel like knowing it anymore.I HATE IT!Actually its de feeling i hate :P Once,when i was form 2,i was so curious about a stupid question.ITS JUST A STUPID QUESTION MADE A CHANGE IN MY WORLD. People will just think "Ying Ying,its juz a small tiny lil question.Dun care it so much.Nothing."
N that,i'll think "Shut up..U dun know anything u cant feel me so juz save your saliva n keep quiet"
I know its rediculous to say that but..this is how i think to those who told me this.Seriously until now,i regretted to those who waste so much saliva for me to tell me "Ying Ying,u will regret wat u did.Y r u so silly??"<--HAHA I KNOW SHE WILL KNOW THAT IS .....hehehe~This girl is one of my best friend who told me not to,but...i had a conflict with her after that..Altho she said that she had forgiven me,but yet,i haven forgive myself.

YES.We need friends in our life.But friends.....i've only got a word to describe->speechless.The one who in my bff list,of course i believe them 100%,but those...who r using a smile or waving HI to me..I juz gt a feeling that they are realli fake.Dunno y,seriously.And what i predict its true.They will talk something or critic u behind.Maybe these person is surrounding around u which u said is "friend" or someone that u like.But for me,"urghh...normal is the best.No communication is even better."Feel weird sometimes.From young i can predict that someone is good,or fake.But there's only one,ONLY ONE,that i cant feel it.Which is the fakest big liar.She is really really fake.If there are some of people or "guest" here wanna learn how to be more fake until others wont notice,please visit-->STK,Form 2 dead fish :) Its not that i wan to critic her here but seriously,im juz saying facts. :)

WT...H??

ITS KOKO TODAY!!!
Eventually,i HATE today...i hate koko...A strange feeling that rush through me today.HATE THIS FEELING! But...no one knows...All of them thought tat "Ya..i know...that the prob btween three of u...i dun understand wats your feeling ..." yala..no one understand me...this kind of feeling...i hate the most...BETRAYED...CHEATED...mayb some of u guys r having this kinda feeling..but seriously i know,tat it hurts ALOT!!!

I'd juz wanna find someone who understand how i feel n comforts me...Seriously some of them reali comforts me thank you.But yet,i stil cnt get wan i want.I stil cant get wat i wanna noe.Mayb when i dun know,I will feel like wan to know.But when i know,i will feel like its better i dun know.I shouldn't know.Hurting myself again and again...But how pain my heart is,its not as pain as Jesus tat nailed on the cross for our sins.

4th April.
He should know what happened on this day.YEP.mayb i love this day if things not like today.But now,its juz like a date that i wan to fully delete from my life,its juz like a black spot had stickken on me,n it'll never gone.Altho i was reborn,i was purified,but in my mind,i did this things.In my mind,this truth will never change.And wat can i do is,i'll tell this truth to my future lover.I'LL TELL ＨIM WAT I DID. I felt ashame for myself.4th april 2009,i really wanna say forever goodbye to you,but i know,i need to face the realistic.ITS TRUE.

# Its been a long long time since i look into the mirror
I guessed that i was blind but my reflection's getting clearer............#

dunno y this lyric keep rushing to my mind....Once again i feel wanna a shoulder for me to rest....to rely on...........a broad shoulder...which i love the most

FAMILY

i have a big family.My grandma has 7 sons n 2 daughters.

So,yesterday was my grandpa's b'day.As usual,we went for dinner together.My uncles from kl came back to celebrate for him.But,there is something i couldn't understand for YEARs n YEARS!!!

~WHY do they keep on souring each other?
~WHY do they love to add on oil while the fire is going to extinguish?(i man emotion)
~WHY do they cant help each other?
~WHY do they cant love each other?HEY! U guys are siblings man!
~WHY do they(who r rich) r so stingy,so selfish?
~WHY are my grandparents so unfair?
-->They treated their grandchildren(at KL) so well,but us?
-->2 words: Money-eye
As what i could see,my parents treat them so well,but y they still can talk bad bout my parents in front of others?

BOTHERS,SISTERS. We were born from a same mother,same father.I really cant understand y they could treat themselves like this.

#Case 1
I stepped into the restaurant yesterday.I,my sis n bro was ordered by our aunt to sit at table 1 while our parents sit at table 2.What u could think in this?I saw everyone sitting with their family but y cant us?I asked my dad,he said:ask your aunt,dun ask me.At the car i asked again,y?He said:As a children,dun keep asking y.I know your character that u wanna noe y,y,y.But if im your aunt,i wont tell a word but a tight slap for being asking why.

#Case 2
I took out my camera n took picture of my family.OKAY.I planned it to keep it for ONLY MYSELF.But wat my 6th uncle said?
uncle:this year the task of taking pictures i'll pass it to u.
me:for wat?
uncle:for u are taking a camera n took it here n there.So this year u take it.I've retired.
me:need to wash out the pics?
my cousin sis n her husband:of coz la.Who ask u to take pictures here and there?People who are clever will only sit here n eat.
her husband:Study so much for wat?Like that aso dunno.no use one.No need study la
me:So u mean that u r so useful n im useless for studying lo?
her husband:yala.Study so much for wat?No use de.
me:Uncle,your camera's quality is better than me for wat u dun use yours?Im juz taking pictures that i like but not for u all.For wat i need to wash it??
*i dunno wat he said n he juz took his camera n walked off*
me:bustard bull shit.*slow voice n shoo off frm thr to my mummy side*

*our turn to take pictures with my grandparents*
after taking...
my cousin sis:hey,y juz now u din ask me to take your camera n i'll help u to take pictures wat...
me:wth.. (n walked off)


WHAT FAMILY IS THIS??!!!!!

#Case 3
GUYS,did u seen before that children who beat their mum,and their mum kissed her son's lips in public?did u seen before a dad,scolded their son *F__K U?? did u seen before a dad,pointed o0o to his son??
yep.thats true.This family is IN my FAMILY.Should praise them,n give them an award for teaching their children in this STYLE.



SEE???this is MY FAMILY.Can i have a happiness family like others?BETTER DUN THINK TOO MUCH.I cant say that i hate them,caz they are my family.But...luckily...some of them are great too.Much more better that those :)

FORGIVING

i've thought a lot about my past..n wat im thinking is-->Should i forgive her,or shouldn't?

I felt stupid u know...I BELIEVED A GIRL WHO WAS BETRAYING ME ALL THE TIME!I treated her as my friend,i even told my friend that :"Its okay to let her know.She is believable.I believe her."What the earth is going now?! She even used to call me a nickname(u cant even imagine wat she called,U CANT!) People says that she's pretty.Okay..lets said as i cant imagine a wicked woman is 'PRETTY'.Thats why i cant accept my friend gave me comments n say that SHE'S PRETTY! YES,i need to admit it that YES SHE IS MORE PRETTY THAN ME N I COULDN'T TELL LIES WHICH IS NOT A LIE!But i still dun have the prepared heart to admit a pretty woman have such a wicked heart.

Okay,lets be face to face in this issue.As i could remember i NEVER TREAT HER BAD OR EVEN TELL ABOUT HER BAD THINGS BEHIND OF HER *when i stil treat her as my friend* how could she...how could she be so cruel...SHE IS A SWEETHEART?OH GOSH...if this kinda people can be sweetheart...im totally SPEECHLESS! I wonder do guys put on eyes to look at people or they saw determine someone with their 'saw-eye'?

I dun wan to tell wat she did to me here..PRIVACY FOR HER..c..im stil respecting her..that one who NOT WORTH FOR PEOPLE TO RESPECT HER! One conclution i've made:Dun ever believe someone that u just get to know...a PUPPY look might have a LION back faces.

YES?NO?P n P nitezz =)

Im wondering all day long whether my decision to support my bro to shalom is correct or not..YES?NO?

What i can say is only "Let HIM to decide ba.. I know HE will give he best for my bro"
I've no idea how to help my bro.What he study now is totally different from what i studied.The only way is i read his books n teach,explain to him in his way.Kinda stress when i tot this..But what can i do?He's my bro.My only bro.I dun wan to c him not educated.I cant be so selfish.

P&P nitezz now ^^
Do u know the kind of feeling when u dunno who wil b your partner later?YES.Im in that kinda condition tat time.My friend told me"I think so many shalom guys will go..N shalom gt many indians oo!"
Oh gosh...my heart pump even faster...
Till that day,i keep asking....who is my partner...who is my partner....erghhhh!!!Everyone keep asking me "yingying,who is your partner" n my answer will be only "I still dunno :( "
I waited for quite a long time...Then i heard someone called out "yingying,yingying"..I thought is khoo yin ying so i din answer...Then they called out "Low Yingying"..Walao...quite shock de lo...

I go out...n i saw like no one thr la...Will they called out the wrong name?Suddenly they say yeewee is my partner...I was like...speechless..huh..Luckily la..caz i know him...
He leaded me to the dining table...We sat thr,n he was not talking.Neither me too.I became anxious like..wat im gonna do..wat im gonna do...caz justin n john aso talking wif their partner especially justin.=='''n we juz sit thr...(but after some time we got start talking la..)

N he told me that the flower he gave me is he do by himself.I was like..so touch!caz at first i thought.."whr he bought this flower arr......"

After dinner...some of my friend come n tell me.."yingying!!!your partner so handsome la!!!u so lucky..."i dunno wat to answer back...so i juz simply say "hahaha...yaya~he looks smart today =) " they also say something tat makes me feel more weird...== "yingying!!!he so romantic la!!!ply guitar wor...for u le!!!wow...so many girls envy u!!!we exchange partner wan ont?" n wat i thought tat time is "hello?he plyed guitar but not for me ok...is for his 'partner'...n in an arrangement of fate he partner with me.."but i din say la...i juz answer "haha..nola...soso lo...hehehe"anyway,I HAD A GREAT GREAT NITE on that day...N seriously,i had a great partner.I appriciate it =) :)

CNY 2010!!!

New year mah...haih,,While we was headin to bidor,we went to the wrong way==n tat time is nearly to 11pm!!What to do?We gone round n round in kl,petaling,sg besi.....==in the journey.......

Dad:turn?
Mum:no
me:yes
Dad:how?(he juz went straight)n says,we should turn into damansara la==how is heading to sg besi..how?your mummy lo..mummy fault...

So we got 2 sg besi n had a big round thr...luckily we went out at last.......huh

Dad:huh...luckily,,,its all your mummy's fault...one of the reason i like her because she is stupid enuf to fool on.....hahahahahahaha
Sis:dun laugh la...i wan shh shh dy..
Bro:i aso wan le
Me:wait arr...wait for 1 hour later...^^
Dad:if nt your mummy we reach dy lo..
Sis:you still can laugh..u gave tol money twice le..
Bro:nvm la...juz treat as v r rich ppl donate to those -tut-
Dad:yalo..juz like giving money for gaigai..u noe kan kl ppl all high tect a bit de..go tol gv money stil terima kasih..then i still ask them "sini pegi ipoh ke?'noe dy still ask tat means is plying them la...babi buta punya...n the sign like grass oni mmg c aso will buta la...bangang one...

walao...bidor reali hot la...the weather.....HOTTT!!!!!at thr i keep eat eat eat oni...fat dy lo==reali need diet edi @@
3rd day v went to ipoh...'bai nian'^^wif the weather like this mmg go whr aso dun wan la==headache tat day...
actually we planned to go bac on the 4th day...but trafic jam teruk2...stay again lo==

bidor actually isnt a nice ply to have fun..bt food at thr reali...NICE!!!everyday supper,eattttt oni...fat fat fat==


Sometimes,im day-dreaming at thr..i thought of many things...like my future...my past...wat i need to do,,wat i need to think...
future...seriously i dunno lo...i dunno wat wil b in the future...as i noe i need to do well now for my future
past...IT IS PAST.wif weikang,n my 1st...can i face them?i try to look for weikang thr bt i cant find him...i stil miss the time we played fire crackers together...i stil remember how he look at me while throwing dragon eggs to the sky...n he burnt his finger...poor thing...i stil remember how he hold my hand...i stil remember how he came n brought me his ring(BIG)altho i cnt fit in...n i stil kept it till now...feel guity sometimes caz i juz felt relationship of "bro n sis"...
wif my 1st...its more memory than weikang...n its sweeter...n its more bitter...i thought for days...n i knew its stil uncountable...all left is memory...wat i found is only S.I.L.L.Y YING YING.until now i aso dun understand y the felling when i like someone n like him wil b so different..impossible i love...haih,,,n i found my conclusion is-->he is a weird one.
as for now,i need to think bout my homeworks la...so many homework not done yet..n i dunno whr to start haih..........GAMBATEH GOGOGO!!!

Fifteen

Fifteen.YA,im fifteen.Eventually,people says that in 15,there will be a great life full of love and friendship.Even people who are mature couldn't reject in L.O.V.E.But for me,it already past almost a year.I still can remember what i did last year.People used to say im stupid,im silly,im dumb but what i did?I'd juz ignored.When you are in love,your emotion will change altho its because of small lil things that made my him/her.As so as me.Haih,,i dunno when n who will gonna take the 1st step.Xkan la for this whole entire life we wont talk to each other again?

Actually i thought before,to take this 1st step.But dunno y,i too scare to face the realities-->
#What will it be if i talked to him?
#Will he answer?
#Will he spread out to others?
#What will be the worst thing?
#Did he reali cheated me?
#Can i know all the question that i wanted to know all this days?
#What will be the answer?
#Will it hurt me again?
#What will i do if i got hurted once again?
#What the exact answer i want to know?
#Will it be dead fish?
#Can i face everything im cool n calm state?
#Another love?
#Will i consider my education if i got love once again?
#Will it last long?
#Will it be like past?
#Can i handle it better that past?
#Friends again?
#What will his answer?
#Will people feel im cheap?
#How if his answer is NO?
#How should i face him if his answer is YES?
#Can i face him as a normal friend?

GUYS U SEE!U SEE!
So many..questions....n these is just what i consider!
But,y should i think these if i juz wanna make ONE decision?
ONLY ONE DECISION
YES or NO
I dun need it actually.Juz pay attention to my studies.As i can feel,one day,we'll have chance to talk again.If no means,i'll know,that what happened last year its juz lies.LOVE,PROMISES,LIES
All are fake.FAKE.FAKE.If my love was repaid with a heart full of lies,i can totally admit tat im a DUMB.

TRUE LOVE.I dunno what it is.As i know now,I love my families,i love my frens.All unhealthy relationship,i WONT EVEN THINK.Because i know,i shouldn't do things that will hurt me.
#How if i love someone?
-->I wont love someone if i dun wan to.=))

School life in this few days

Monday,when i opened my eyes,all i thought is"school again" Later,when PMP starts,something sure will come.HOMEWORK.

SOOO SOOO SOOO many homeworks now days.Uncountable....(hehehe).Maths is the most.Everyday gt skill practice.
I ponteng sukantara today.Reason is:Many homework to do n finish up.But actually i aso dun feel like going.ya,weather is one of the reason.The another reason is i dun wan my mood to spoil again.
Seriously,i cant control my mood.Whenever what happened that gt something related to 'something',i dunno y la...i cant control myself.Thats y i need HIM.Thats y i need to remind myself to SMILE often.What he did to me,what he left for me,i juz kept it away.I need to concentrate in my studies especially the coming PMR.Whatever it happens,i'll try my very best to concentrate myself.=)

Homework reali berlambak gila until headache dy...Teachers problem somemore.My science,i reali no doubt on that teacher.What i'll do in my science class?Hehehehe...
1.Talk wif kirthana
2.Sing songs wif kirthana
3.copy div's book or juz dun do
4.sleeping
5.day-dreaming

Things i wont ever do in my science class:
1.Listen to what teacher say
2.Concentrate in her class
3.Keep my mouth shut

I think so u'll noe wats the main point i dun wan to listen to her class.
1st,her voice,OMG...........
2nd,her attitude
3rd,she show the real cow lung juz right in front of me n poke it wif a knife(Seriously,i vomited)
4th,wat she teach reali will make me more blurr.
She is the only teacher that makes me do other things while PMP is running.=))

LOVE extinguished,EDUCATION burns.

my love,i extinguished it myself.If not,seriously,i cant even put 100% in my education.Everytime stay bac,until i myself aso feel weird.Saw some nonsense at astaka,thought tat it was X.Hope tat it was X too.But,probably not.N,i dun feel like wan to noe now.How will it be if i knew?no points noeing...After latihan sukan,hehe...i wont stay bac dy...Caz im heading to my ambition!I WAN TO BE A CRIMINOLOGIST!!!

Seriously,today,i met X.I dun even noe wat im doing in tat moment.I've only had a conclution which is im toooo unmature enough.So now,i'll extinguish every lil drop of passion of L.O.V.E in my heart,till 18,i'll put some firewoods n burn it again.This is my vow to myself.PMR?no PROBLEM!!!Juz wait,here i'll get your hand,7A's!!!

WAT A DAY!!!again.....==

FRIDAY!!!eventually,i hate this day.Caz...many things happened on friday.No matter its on past,or present.
School day...Altho not many homework...But after school,i started to be crazy bout dunno wat kinda bangang things.I thought something that i noe that i cant even think of it.But...This feeling is juz like cutting my heart.Juz imagine,take a knife n slice your heart again n again n again.Thats wat i did today.Cant exactly explain wat happened.But...HAIZZ
I tried not to think bout it but...but...but.....erghh.DAMN FOOLS!!

Its rainy day today.As so as my world.While i thought tat im sitting in front of this computer n reading an email,GOSH,tears rolling down...Thats y,sometimes i reali reali hate to open my inbox.ERGHHH
Later,sports practice.And as wat i imagine,Came true.But it'll be TRUE even i din imagine.Such a rubbish-_-I reali reali cant stop myself.Juz like wat my mum say,心太软，要更狠！

Here's a song i wanna share wif u guys.Enjoy=)

I alwaz needed time for my own
I'd never thought i
Need you there when i cry
And the days feel like years when im alone
And the bed where you lied
Is made up on your side
When you walked away,I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much i need you right now?
#When you're gone,The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone,the face i came to know is missing too
When you're gone,the words i need to hear
To alwaz get me through,the day
And make me okay
I miss you~#

I'd never felt this way before
Everything that i do
Reminds me of you
N the clothes you left,Are lyin' on the floor
And it smells juz like
I love the things that you do
When you walk away,I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much i need you rigth now?
#When you're gone,the pieces of my heartare missing you
When you're gone,the face i came to know is missing to
When you're gone,the words i need to hear
To alwaz get me through,the day
And make me okay
I miss you
We will make for each other
Im here forever
I know we are
YEAH~
All I ever wanted was for you to know
I can't hardly breathe i give my heart and soul
I can'y hardly breathe because i feel you're here with me~
YEAH!!
#When you're gone,the pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone,the face i came to know is missing too
When you're gone,the words i need to hear
To alwaz get me through the day,And make me okay
I MISS YOU~~~~

=)

Oppssss......awww...MAN!

latihan sukan week these days...homework berlambak plus my kind n beautiful "madam tey",my class teacher's arahan to do the class stuff...n dammit to the afternoon session who share class wif us,2RK2,better becareful!!!i stapler u koyak.>latihan sukan is getting me darker..seems?n its getting me so exhausted.n its getting me terrible!TERRIBLE!!TERRIBLE!!!
today,i ponteng my latihan sukan n went to div house to finish the polyfoam.(also mdm tey's arahan==)from 2pm,we do until 4.30pm.mampus letih gila...I want to sleep for a while.Who noes.........devil div pull me up from the sofa dun let me sleep,ask me to habiskan my homework -_-devil div=='''devil teacher-_-

noe wat i do when i had stress?
i thought bac bout my past....Drown into my past....Tat totally makes me warm.But dun think until too far la...haiz~Altho i've put down,but i noe,that i wont ever forget,n i wont ever lost tat kinda feelings toward 'X'.Yes,i admit it.That....i'd lie to myself.Mostly.I dun dare to face realities.I scare...that i'll be hurt like past again...Nowdays will think bout X...I aso dunno y?Sometimes when i wake up at 6,i felt that my pillow r wet,my teddies r tightly hugged.I tried to remember wat i dreamt,but mostly conclusion is:X plus nightmare in front of the computer.Sometimes,i woke up suddenly or i shouted n sat up.These happened after school reopens.Most of the nightmares r because of X.But..There r sweet times n there r soundly asleep till morning too.Thanks to HIM that protecting me all the times.Thanks to HIM that gave me a besties in my class.that can warm my heart whenever my heart feels cold.

JIAYOK yingying...no more tears n nightmares of X...=)

My 15th b'day=)

my 15th b'day...
not really good...i dun have any feelings like "this is my b'day,today is my b'day".My best friend,din even wish me,i thought i can have suprise in my 15th b'day,but...none.
my b'day was covered up wif homeworks,class decoration,thinking how n wat to do for the class...SERIOUSLY,im stress!!
thanks for those who wished me=)no matter thr's present or watever i dun care,but u guys warmed my heart=]

now wat happened today?once i got up in the morning,i was waiting for my family members to wish me.My mum wished,but my sis,urghh...she fought wif me early in the morning.Will she wish me?dun dream about it!My bro...i din even c him yet today...Miss him...my dad,he juz keep smiling wif my "zhao pai" smile!!(i taught him)HAHA!!!

So,daddy say he's gonna bring me to KFC later...c wat wil happen ba...=)

2nd day in form 3 life~

Sorry...i'd promised to post pictures in esp camp but im juz too lazy...But wait ya!!!Sure i'll post it some other day=)
2nd day...
i thought tat everything will b nice,smooth,alright.But something goes wrong.Maybe is im not enough sleep on yesterday or wat...my moral class->no teacher. my science class(last period)->tat teacher...urghhhh!!!!
Lets not tell out her name here...She's so.......i dunno how to explain it,examine yourself

Once v(moral pupils)entered the class,actually i planned to ucap selamat wif her first b4 bac to my seat.Half way she spoke:"Eh,tak de mulut nak ucap selamat ke?korang ni budak moral kan?takkan la ni pun tak tau"
So,she chased us outside,n ordered us to say selamat sejahtera before v go in.Ok,i've done it.
Then,she asked bout ajk science,"who is the ajk science?"...No one answered.Actually its my job to answered caz im ketua keceriaan.Matapelajaran section is under me.N because of tat,she nagged everyone in the class.
Next,she asked "who got go for science tuition n advanced the lesson before i teach?(in bm)"Some of them put on their hands.Then she started."waa,pandai dah la ni?napa nak pergi tuition?skola tak ajar ke?"
We kept quiet.
she:buka buku teks muka surat 2 dan buka latihan muka surat 2.fahamkan apa di buku teks dan siapkan di buku latihan no.1-4

WAT THE....!!!
she din even teach us how to do or explain some,n she asked us to do it!Then she gave us homework.OMG....her voice is slower then the kitty in afternoon session.Im sitting in the front row,seriously,i cant hear wat she said.

From this we can c,not every teachers r responsible,not every teachers r caring our studies.So,y dont they change their development,that no schools r allowed?students juz need to study at home n have tuitions.What do teachers for?(i mean some teachers)

I started to miss my afternoon session.I miss cikgu tajul,i miss cikgu siti hawa.
I remember,they keep asking us"faham tak?faham tak?"
but this teacher,NO,NOT ONCE.
I told my friends,"i regreted that i used to say "merdeka" when cikgu tajul din come.Caz when im 1st3,his presence in our class is almost 100%.i regreted that i sat bhind when cikgu siti hawa teaching time.I regreted that i din pay 100% attention while cikgu siti hawa was teaching.I regreted that i was "fishing" while cikgu tajul on the slides for us.SERIOUSLY,I REGRETED."

So,be thankful,for those afternoon session one.You'll hard to find one good teacher that will cares u,adores u like now in morning session.Appriciate wat u got now.
Lastly,TEACHER WHO TAUGHT ME IN AFTERNOON SESSION,I'LL REMEMBER U ALL.THANK YOU,TEACHER.=)