Will be missed.

It's over. Finally. All the hard works in the past few years were ended since yesterday. Sorry i was not in a mood to blog yesterday, since it was really tiring. Bad thing, i never felt a thing after spm. No celebration, happiness, or even a word from my father. Hoping so much to hear bout his question towards me, how was the exam, is everything great, can you do that, exam is over how you felt, nothing. Seriously nothing. Great i still have my uncle, who asked me to call him once i was home. Great i still have my mum, who will be there always for me. Anyway i thank them for supporting me all the times, but, i still felt some touch when i saw my friend's parent were there for him, right after spm. I hoped for that kind of concern, too.


What am i gonna do after these time of struggles, like my life had some emptiness in me. It's finally over, what should i do. Did my house chores after breakfast, and now is only 12pm. Time seemed going so slow, like is waiting for somebody, some scene would never happen. SPM is really a great torture to fill emptiness, to fight for in our life. Bored days are coming, and im still planning something to deal with it. Maybe some new story books will be? Such a long time for me to leave school, the place which i hated for so long. Thanks a lot i saw Juanita today, as the last time in my school life when i returned my books.



Maybe i should try to figure out why i still feel alone, with no true and good friends around. Why am i being left out all the times. Who should i get to call when im in troubles. Power on my phones, search contacts, great to know i might have no one to search for. Everyone will be busying with their new life, new school, new community. Who would bother those old friends? I know there's a pig would cry over us, but she'll find her happiness some other day, i 100% , totally have faith in her, that she'll be really great. Things were like 12 stepping to 13, how many person will remember their old friends. I know that someone will, and i will too. No matter how you guys felt, when i saw you i'll give you a Hi, or you can repay me with a hug too. I'll definitely miss that.

Ciao, my friends. Cherish all our precious time, cause there will be no more 17 in our life.

You will definitely be missed.

Love, yingying

Heaven and Hell, upside down

I screwed up myself again. Some unnecessary hope was onto me, and it dropped me from 10th floor to the ground. For a minute i was in the sky, and fell in the next second. For a minute i thought that i could really get what i want, but everything just screwed up. I dont even have the unnecessary money, or currently working. I born in a family which is just OK in everything. Not really rich or not that poor. Honestly im feeling upside down now. I dreamed of something which will never came true, and being asked "Why do you need such expensive gift? Is that so needy?" Yeah i felt that needy in me. Why cant i finally own something i really want. Or just because i repeated it so many times and made you feel that it is not really needy in me. Or just because i dont have the right to own it. 

I cant understand why adults keep telling me after spm everything can be solved. Why after spm? Is spm that important? I am not born because of exams and studies. WHY IT MUST BE AFTER SPM? Is that exam so great till i need to put all of my effort and concentration just because of that? After hearing these words i hate spm more. It s not like after spm santa claus will give me that thing. Its not like after spm that thing will just drop down from sky. Its not like after spm my family will be rich. I hate those rich people showing off their iphones or samsung or mac or ipad and started to tell me that they are poor, they need help. Shoo off you guys. If you re like this, thanks for looking at this page. Im talking bout you. 

God. You created rich peoples and the poors. The poors are like golongan bawahan, watching as those golongan atasan have special type of treatment in this community. Everything seemed like going easily just with money on their hand, while the poors starving and begging just for food and shelter. What am i, living in between them and feeling upside down. I dont get what i want, im fully provided with all my needs, and sometimes i want more. I know i should learn to be like Lucas, to be thankful of what we gain. But how long do i need to take to face the fact that...i do not belongs to the world nor God's holy world. Im stucked in between like heaven and hell, hard to fly up against gravity but easily to undergo free fall.

Trust.

To those who read my blog, i thank you. :) I have something to speak out in ths post and i truly hope that you guys wont be like me. Haha.


 We are all unique, special, and the one and only one. Trust yourself that you can do something great in your life. While i typed this, im typing for myself too. Sorry to say that i actually dont trust i can do something great in my life. What i think about myself is a failer. I failed my 17 years, relationships in the community, letting myself controlled by my temper. Such a failer. Until one day i finally opened my daily journal.


This happened recently, when im in damn stress. Indeed, im using the word "damn" to express how much tension on me. I opened my daily journal and start reading.

"Everyone is a child of God, which is special and unique.

Like God create car to move on land, it does not work in water or sky.

If you are born to live in the land, you cnt live in the water.

Trust Him that there is a purpose He created you in this world.

Fulfill your purpose and bring glory to Him."

And I started to ask myself, what is my purpose in this world? Why am i born here as the eldest in the family? I truly believe that everything happened has a purpose in it. 

We re starting a new life soon :)

I finally ended up with my Sejarah will a FAREWELL. No more sejarah, malayan union, perang dunia, ptm pkm oic pbb and ALLLLL STUFFS which in this topics. Technically, i HATE sejarah. Thanks for leaving my life, finally. Yeah, im already 17, currently having spm after 5 years of secondary school life. I know everything is in God's control, including changing actual test paper to another, tips arent tips, making me crazy. But i thank God for his supportance and confidence for me to finish the paper, feeling peace again :) Trust Him that you re not alone in the whole period of exam. Whatever results i gain, i ll smile and thank him once again for giving me a true exam. A final exam without tips.

My days are filled with joy again after the return of wugui from Singapore. I cant imagine my mum actually put me out of the prison in this critical session LOL. Haha. Btw, i ll be having a wonderful Christmas this year, i hope so. With everyone i love by my side, im indeed a happiness girl :) What else do I need? Its enough Yingying. 

We (me and wugui) trust in God but not human, therefore we also trust that God will bring us a true couple, that will lead us. No worries to everyone who care for us. We re doing great. We dont want to talk much not because we dont believe you guys, but to ensure no more troubles that will strike us again. Seriously im tired of troubles. Despite all side of views, I know that everything will end up again, its just the matter of time. And im still searching for God's side of views in everything, although i failed everything.

To all of my friends in my secondary school life, i thank you for giving me such wonderful years. All the sadness, tears, happiness, friendship, love will be living in my heart forever. I truly hope that after we head to our further studies, please keep in contact as we can come out to yumcha sometimes during hols. I ll surely miss all those laughter and sampatness together. LOL. Although we planned for years of barbecue, trip to Genting which were all failed, but i hope we can do something for this year, our last year. 20 peeps of chinese in stk '95 will surely be missed. And i ve put down all the hatred, released myself from all the burdens. Although i still dont feel sorry of enjoying ponteng school. Haha. School will be out of my missing list, but dear teachers, i ll miss you. Winnie shapo, weini, szechee, and to those who i missed, sorry for not building a better relationship with you guys. And liyin.. sorry for ponteng-ing your taekwondo period all the time. Shuwen, Susan, Yinghui thank you for being my faithful listener who always share problems together. imy and ily :)